life in film

Ando a acumular fotografias tiradas com a minha Pentax analógica há alguns meses. Tenho sido preguiçosa, e com pouca vontade de partilhar a minha vida, mas agora que voltei da Escócia e que tenho algumas coisas que me apetece realmente partilhar, vou mostrá-las.  

Antes de embarcar nesta viagem, andava a escrever pouco. No entanto, dei por mim a rabiscar momentos e notas em cadernos. Vou fazer os possíveis por partilhar essas notas ao longo deste post. Perdoem-me os leitores portugueses, mas escrevi-as em inglês, e é nessa língua que as vou publicar. 


I've been accumulating photographs taken with my Pentax for a few months. I've been lazy and wanting to be private, but now that I have the pictures from Scotland, now that I have some actual share-worthy photos, I want to show them off. 

I hadn't been writing much, before I went. But this time, i found myself scribbling down moments and remarks as I went. I put them all together in this post, along with the photos.  



it's a quiet morning. darling heart left for class with a kiss on the lips and a whispered 'I love you' that make my world a pretty perfect place. so I take my dress and my oxfords and my camera and my tripod and make my way into the trees.  

the meadow is mine, all mine, all for my aimless wandering and my creations. the air is brisk and the occasional dog walker smiles at me, a couple ask what I'm doing, what I'm photographing. I can't bring myself to say I'm doing self-portraiture. 'plants', I say and hope they're satisfied. and after a moment of silence, I miss the times when I was proud of my craft, when I puffed up my chest and yelled to the world that yes, I take pictures of myself and the monsters within, and I'm happy with that. 

it'll come back, i tell myself in order to quell the anxiety. it'll come back.  

it's grey. everything is grey, but the green is wild. 

I feel like taking the props back home. the twigs and branches and whatever I use. but then again, they belong here. I wouldn't take these photos back then. I would get this particular muse to yell at me. so they stay. but I still get to take their picture with me, don't I?

all I can think is that I don't want to go back to Porto. I want to stay. the fall is so beautiful here.  

she's crazy. and amazing, so amazing. 

last sunsets in a particular place are always the most heartbreaking of all. this was happy, kind of happy. it wasn't quite a last day. but it still felt heavy. beautiful, but heavy. 

you said 'oh, good luck catching the birds.' 

I said 'ha, just wait for it.' 

I caught them. 

the coffee was burnt. warm and comfortable, but burnt. darling heart wanted me to say something, but i just wanted my peace and quiet. i should have said something. the damn coffee was pretty nasty.  

i like trains. 

the weirdest part is that I don't mind the smell of tangerines, as long as it's in your hands.